Getting the Caregiving Help You Need From Family and Friends

"We need to make it right before it goes wrong." What a wonderful expression! The phrase gives you permission to say, "I need your help."

Yes, it is true that some people, even without your asking, will be more than happy to volunteer their time. However, an uncommitted "Call if you need anything" is not the same as "What do you need? Tell me what I can do to help you."

Many family and friends, perhaps not understanding the responsibilities and challenges you face, will require a little prodding. A good approach is to organize an informal gathering with your family and perhaps a few friends. Lunch or light refreshments may prevent the conversation from becoming confrontational. Use video conferencing to include and get input from family members who do not live nearby.

Give examples of what they can do for you and for the loved one you share. A request for respite – just a few hours per week – is a good place to start. Explain that you need time to relax, take care of your health and well-being, socialize with friends, enjoy a little solitude, and catch up on lost sleep.

Getting Support for Caregiving

While you will appreciate their gift of time, your family can also make things easier in other ways. A sibling who does not live nearby can manage your loved one's finances. Family, friends, and even nearby neighbors can buy groceries, do the laundry, or take responsibility for things like a car, a house, or yard maintenance.

Ask a family member or friend to accompany you and your loved one to doctor appointments or other places where you anticipate behavioral difficulties. A promise to go out to lunch after their doctor's appointment can improve everyone's mood.

Use a calendar and sign-up sheet to free yourself from day-to-day management details. Exchange contact information to make communication as easy as possible. Consider designating a point of contact. Think about using an online app or website like Lotsa Helping Hands.

A few words to caregivers – don't be stoic. Accept help! Promises aside, being a good caregiver matters more than being irritable, exhausted, and burnt out.

A few words to family members – don't assume one person can shoulder all the responsibilities and challenges of caring for the loved one you share. It's unfair and will create ill feelings. Make yourself available, even if he or she says they neither need nor want your help.

It's also important that you tell your family member that you appreciate his or her efforts – a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or for a rejuvenating massage is another way to express your gratitude. Call or e-mail often - but not too often or at inconvenient times. In addition to checking in on your loved one, ask about their general well-being. Be an empathetic and supportive listener.

And to caregivers, family members, and friends - the most important words you can say to one another are "Thank you."

Content Contributor: Janet Yagoda Shagam, Ph.D., is a freelance medical and science writer and the Author of "An Unintended Journey: A Caregiver's Guide to Dementia", available through Amazon. Please visit our Author's page to learn more and find this title.

---

Disclaimer: Dementia Society of America (DSA) provides educational content only and does not offer medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional before making changes to your medical care. DSA content is created by both human and computer-generated means and is reviewed for accuracy; however, errors may occur. Views expressed by third-party contributors do not necessarily reflect those of DSA. Unless expressly stated, DSA does not endorse or guarantee any third-party products, services, organizations, or external content. All DSA content is copyrighted and/or trademarked and may not be used without written permission.